A quick warning... this post is long... its raw .... and there
are some pictures that may disturb you. If you're not up for it, this is the
post to skip ... though it does encompass a huge part of my life in elastic
waisted pants ....
I gave up smoking on May29th, 2005.
It’s been over 7 years since I have drawn nicotine into my lungs.
May 29Th, 2005 was also
the morning of my Bariatric Surgery (adjustable gastric banding operation) that
led to many subsequent surgeries.
I
saw it as a chance to kick the habit for good as I would be attached to a drip
for days and not be able to have a smoke for at least 24 hours. Sadly, giving
up smoking was not something I was doing for my health… in all honesty, it was
for financial reasons.
The ONLY good thing to come out of my
Bariatric Surgery was my ceasing smoking.
This was the second Lap Band I had
put in.
The first lap band was non
adjustable. I had that put in when I was 19 years old. I was among the first in
Australia to have it done
and the first in Victoria Kew . I
had no idea what I was in for ! Being a trial it was free, so I didn’t really
care too much for the details.
It was definitely the most painful
surgery that I have had. (and I have had a lot!) I remember everything about it
so clearly.
I couldn’t eat anything but Heinz
baby food for months….. I regurgitated my food daily and lost a shitload of
weight very very quickly.
The energy I had was purely from the
excitement of being slimmer. I went from a size 26 to a size 14-16 very
quickly. I still thought I was huge at that stage!
I got engaged when I was 20ish …. I
passed out at the engagement party from total malnutrition. At that point I was
still eating mushy food but mainly unhealthy stuff.
I was encouraged to see a doctor. The
doctor said I needed to eat and I should be eating whatever it is that I could
get into me as I needed the nutrients. I don’t know what I was thinking as I
started to shovel in anything… and I mean anything that I could. The easiest
foods for me to eat were foods that would turn into a paste and pass through
the band easily. This of course meant Chips, Chocolate, biscuits, cakes etc
Cheese and Bacon Balls were on the top of my list. This also meant that meats,
vegetables and salads were not easy for me to digest; in fact, I couldn’t eat
them at all. They didn’t break down into a paste so would get stuck in my band.
My new eating habit saw me stack the
weight back on… quickly … very quickly! My appetite increased like there was no
tomorrow. I assumed that my band had burst or come undone etc as I was now able
to eat the quantities that I could eat previous to my surgery.
I found out years later that I had
actually stretched the small pouch to the size of my original stomach! This
meant I now had two stomachs to fill !
I had been living with severe sleep
apnoea for a couple of years and was scared for my life.
This led me to looking into
ADJUSTABLE lap band surgery. This WAS going to be my answer.
It was April 2004 when I first
enquired.
I asked for a Professor of Bariatric
Surgery and that’s exactly what / who I got. Yep the big wig… the one that
travels the world teaching other surgeons the procedure, the one you see on TV
talking up Bariatric Surgery. The cream of the crop. His Public Health System
waiting list was 12 years! Funding the Procedure myself was in excess of
$15,000. I had to attend a seminar on the procedure before he would meet with
me.
Hubby and I went along and listened
to his star patients give glowing reports on their new “slim” lifestyles. A Lap
Band was passed around so that we could see how it is adjusted, we watched a
taped procedure, we met the after care nurses, we met Him.
I was sold. That was 28 May, 2004On 29Th May, 2004 I joined Private Health Insurance and made my appointment to see the Professor.
During the 12 months I met not only
with the Professor himself, but on different occasions his whole team.
Dietitians, nurses, psychologists, general doctors etc I was the perfect
candidate ….. Apparently. I had vials and vials of bloods taken to make sure
that I was as healthy as an obese person can be.
My surgery was booked for the day my
Private Health Insurance Kicked in …29Th May, 2005
The surgery cost me $3200 out of
pocket but included a lifetime of “Fills” and follow Up appointments and if
necessary any subsequent surgeries.
For those that don’t know how an
adjustable lap band works, I will try to explain it as simply as possible. The
band itself looks like the soft rim of a balloon but thicker. It wraps around
your upper stomach and creates two stomachs. It creates a small top stomach
(pouch) which holds around 50mls, then of course the rest of your stomach
below. Between the two stomachs is a very narrow passage that allows food to
pass from the new small stomach to the big stomach.
Attached to the Lap Band is plastic
tubing which is also attached to a “Port”. The Port is sewn to a muscle usually
to the left of your belly button.
The Port is where Saline is injected.
The saline goes up the tubing into the Band and tightens it. Otherwise known as
“Restriction” or a “Fill”
The Port can also be used to remove
saline if you are over “filled”
So the whole idea is for you to get
the perfect amount of restriction to allow you to eat a small amount that
leaves you feeling full. Otherwise known as “Satiety”
The deal is …. Eat too much or try to
drink while your eating and your food will come straight back up… disgusting
really.
At this point I should say that I
personally know quite a few women and a few men who have done really well with
this surgery. I am not campaigning against it. I am only sharing my experience.
And my experience was not a positive
one!
I was admitted to “The Avenue
Private” in the lush Melbourne
I was prepared for my 2 day stay,
toiletries, comfy clothes and a carton of cigarettes!
After waiting for what seemed an
eternity for the anaesthetist, I decided to go and have a cigarette or two… my
last before surgery.
There was no designated smoking area
so I went out to the car park, little did I know it was the Doctors car park. I
quickly inhaled a couple of cigarettes, all the while getting dirty looks from
passing Doctors.
I am not sure what clicked inside me,
but I handed hubby my packet of smokes and told him I was giving up! I laugh
now. I can only imagine what he was thinking. We went back to my room where the
anaesthetist was waiting. Surprisingly she didn’t go crook at me for being
outside smoking. She quite casually told me of the risks associated with
cigarette chemicals and anaesthetic. I knew I had made a life changing
decision. After she left I gave hubby my carton of smokes from my suitcase and
asked him to give them to my parents. (who both smoked at the time) That was
the end of my smoking career.
I was to have 3 small incisions with
minimal scaring where the instruments were inserted and one thicker scar where
the Port was inserted.
The recovery pain was to be minimal
as laparoscopic incisions are very small. The most pain was to be from the port
site.
I was to spend a maximum of two
nights in hospital.Well…….
I awoke in agony. I have a fairly high pain threshold but this was ridiculous.
A nurse was quickly at my side. She told me that the surgeon went in laparoscopicly (sp?) but I had too much fat around my liver. The surgeon quickly reverted to open surgery.
This involved an incision from just below my breastbone to just above my belly button. It also involved 26 staples!!!
FUCK I WANTED A CIGARETTE …. STAT !
Anyhooo… hubby soon appeared and the
first think I did was lift up my hospital gown to display my new silver … he
recalls how I exclaimed “LOOK what they did to me”
My trusty CPap Bed Buddy
"Look at what they did to me"
"the open surgery scar, the port scar and one of the laproscopic
scars
Now that I had major surgery, it was
evident that I was in for longer than 2 days.
It turned into 6 nights.
I have an amazing husband. He took
time off work and became my full time nurse.
He had some disgusting jobs to do!
He also took care of the kids who were 9 and 7 at the time. And whilst I had already planned my daughter’s 9Th birthday party… hubby stepped in an completed all preparation and hosted the party. I was unable to participate as I was bedridden.
Day 10 was the day the staples needed to be removed. I was SHITTING myself. I was more scared and nervous of that than the actual surgery.
Little scabs had formed over each
staple which needed to be removed. As usual, hubby was there holding my hands
and consoling me.
That done, then time for the staples.
Most came out easy… then there were a couple of infected ones… they hurt like
hell, thankfully the nurse wasn’t mucking about… she got them all out swiftly!
I was sent home with an inflamed red
scar, antibiotics and an appointment card for 3 days time. I was still on a liquid diet and would continue to be for another 2 weeks.
When I went to my appointment it was
time for my first “fill” to gain some restriction. Now I know I sound like a
sook but I have to say that for reasons unbeknown to me, I am scared shitless
of the fill needle. It is the longest needle I have ever seen and the thought
of it going into my stomach makes me physically ill.
The Professor uses his finger tips to
find the port and quite easily and quickly inserts the needle. In all honesty
its just a small prick. But it’s the weird ass feeling of it being inside me
that freaks me out!
I started on solid foods. Mainly
boiled veg and anything soft. No meat at this point.. I just couldn’t swallow
it.
The Fill process is a slow one. Only
.5 of a ml of saline is injected at a time.
Over
the next few months I returned weekly for fills.
As this post is getting rather long winded I will summarise the events of the 2 years that followed my surgery.
As this post is getting rather long winded I will summarise the events of the 2 years that followed my surgery.
I was NEVER full… I never experienced
that feeling of fullness that this surgery was meant to provide. This is turn
meant that I had to control myself, something I had assumed the band would do
for me.
I had a fill that was really
uncomfortable and actually caused some pain. It was about 2 months after
surgery. I didn’t realise until I got home and went to have a drink.
I was a dribbling mess!
After my exam the Professor told me
my Port had come away from its stitches and I needed surgery to stitch it back
into place. … Into surgery I went.
Two weeks later at a check up to get
the stitches out… my would site was infected.. internally ! … more antibiotics.
(more thrush)
4 weeks later I ended up with a fever
out of the world and back into surgery to have the wound cleaned up.
Another 4 weeks and the infection
couldn’t be controlled. It was like my body was rejecting the port. – Back into
surgery to have the port removed and my wound left open for natural healing.
Fuck me… I had no idea what I was in for.
The port removal was day surgery. The
nurse asked hubby if he was OK to change my dressings or whether I need a
nurse. – He said he would do it.
The nurse told me there was some
gauze in the wound, to pull it out and put fresh gauze in as required… off we
went home, a bag full of sterile goodies and more antibiotics.
It’s about a 45 minute drive from the
Hospital to our house. By the time we got home my top was blood stained. A
dressing change was in order.. Immediately.
I will never forget what happened
next. I almost gag at the memory.
We removed the cover dressing to find
a hole in my stomach. The hole was packed with gauze. Under sterile conditions
hubby attempted to pull the gauze out. OMG ! the pain ! … it had already
started to stick as some blood had dried around it. There were lots of tears.
Lots of, “Why me’s?” ‘Hadn’t I been through enough?”
I got in the shower and allowed the
water to soften the blood. With one hand against the shower door, fist and
teeth clenched, I pulled out metres of gauze. I am crying just trying to type
this. It was the most painful, revolting, humiliating thing I have had to do. I
was so ashamed and disgusted at myself. Pulling this gauze out was pulling at
every emotion I thought I had under control. I had no one to blame but myself
and some dodgy genes. I didn’t get myself into the state by eating salad.
I couldn’t repack fresh gauze… it wasn’t going to happen. I couldn’t bring myself to stuff it into my stomach. I covered the area with sterile patches whilst at work and when at home I uncovered it to let air get to it.
the open wound once the infection had cleared
It healed.. eventually. After trying
to type this, I have come to the realisation that I never did.
Having no port in, meant that my band
could not be adjusted. I was in danger of stretching the pouch like I did the
first time.
I was port less for about 6 months.
This is when I lost the majority of my weight. Put quite simply, I couldn’t
swallow. I missed out on eating a Family Christmas Meal that I prepared. Silly…
the things you remember!
Back into surgery to have a fresh
port put in and the fill process began again. This time there was no mucking
about … within 6 weeks it was full to capacity. In total I had lost 28 kg. My
weight was now 136 kg. Given all the shit I had been through the Professor was
happy with my loss. I wasn’t.. but that’s another blog.
I could once again eat a shitload of
food… just not raw veg or salad, bread, lamb or chicken breast. I could eat on
occasion, chicken thigh, fish and roast vegetables if covered in gravy.
The Professor was at a loss. The
perfect candidate turned out not to be perfect and very high maintenance.
This takes me to the end of 2006.
I was back in control of what I went
ate. I tried to make the right choices. I felt like a complete failure. Who
fucks up 2 lap bands????
I was still regurgitating the above
mentioned foods every time I tried to eat them. I would try most days. I was
trying so hard to get those foods down to be normal. Regurgitating the food
does not mean weight loss. It doesn’t really mean anything other than some very
embarrassing moments when in the company of others.
From the start of Jan 2007 to August
2007 I tried my best.
In August hubby and I made a joint
decision to have my fill removed. We were about to embark on a 4 week holiday
to the USA
The Professor weighed me in at
128kgs…. That meant I had lost 12kgs on my own! I was very happy about that!.
The Professor reluctantly agreed to take my fill out and book an appointment
for when I returned to have it put back in.
Old habits die hard …. The first port of call was McDonald's Drive Thru in Chadstone. Cheese Burger and fries …. Dóh !
Hubby and I went to the USA USA
We married in Vegas on September 22ND
2007.
Me on
my wedding day in Las Vegas "loving the Up Do"
Upon return I kept my appointment
with the Professor.
I had put on 14kgs in 6 weeks !!!
So I was back up to 144 kg.
He filled me band to capacity in one
foul sweep! He was mad as hell ! I,on the other hand couldn’t have given a
shit.
I had enjoyed myself and was sure I
would get the 14kgs off.
SO after 2 years I was able to eat
Meat, salad, veg and bread for 6 weeks.
That freedom was unbelievable, but
also detrimental.
No I was back to regurgitating every
thing I ate… well everything healthy that I ate.
I was over this damned band.
Skip ahead to this very moment in
time. I can eat anything I like… I can eat more than a man. I have stretched my
pouch.
I still have my band in and yes it’s
at capacity.
I just happen to be one of the
unlucky ones that this didn’t work for… not through lack of trying!
Just another one of the trials and tribulations of my life in elastic waisted pants xx
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