Not in a good space

I'll be quick... 

I am not in a good space at the moment... our life as we know it has been dealt a bad hand of cards. I need to work out how to handle things and take control. 

On that note, I shall return when I have some time to put my thoughts into the written word xx

Unexpected Yet Welcomed Baggage Drop

Wow another week has flown past since I have updated my blog!

Well let’s start with last Sunday’s weigh in on the 26^Th August.

Thankfully I actually lost weight!

I managed a 1.5 kg loss which brought me down to 127.2 kgs.

I am really happy with that.

 

7% of my body weight GONE

 

1.5 kilogram loss for the week

 

The loss reignited a little bit of motivation in me.

 

I spent most of Sunday at a local Trash & Treasure Stall with hubby selling Daffodil Day Merchandise for the Cancer Council. I popped a couple of muesli bars in my bag and the idea was to buy some fruit at the market. I was bored out of my brains. Business was slow to say the least. I tried to distract myself by watching a movie on my I Pad but the hot chips and donuts left aromas in the air that were driving me crazy.

 

Around midday hubby went off to the loo and came back with a bucket of chips and a Hamburger with the lot!  I was far from impressed but I kept a lid on my frustration. Once he was finished I was off to find some fresh fruit. It proved a task. There was a couple of very small fruit stands but they had mainly veges. I ended up buying some mandarins and bananas and eating one of each. My will power won! I was really tired in the afternoon from being up since 5am. I was totally unmotivated to get on my treadmill. I decided that even if I burnt 150 calories it was better than nothing. I burnt 161 calories and was exhausted. So that was that!

Monday I decided that I was going to burn 600 calories no matter what, I knew I had a couple of food engagements this week so I needed to be on top of my game. Well it took me a couple of hours but I did it! I hurt like hell but I felt amazing.

 

On Tuesday I went to a buffet lunch with a girlfriend. I controlled myself, made good food choices and stayed away from the dessert bar! I really had no idea how many calories I had consumed so at 5 o’clock I jumped on my treadmill and stayed there until I burnt 600 calories… yep another couple of hours but I knew that I had undone any damage that I “may” have done. I wasn't taking any risks!

Wednesday… my legs are beyond sore so I made it my exercise free day.  I weighed in on Wednesday as I just can’t help myself. Another small loss, down to 126.6kgs ECSTATIC!! This means I have lost 10 kgs in 7 weeks.

 

I had dinner plans with another friend at our local Mexican restaurant. I knew I would be ordering a fajita salad but I also knew that my friend would order Nachos with sour cream, guacamole, salsa etc as an entree for us to share. I decided early in the morning that I would partake in the customary eating of the Nachos. I factored the indulgence into my daily calorie allowance as best I could and went to dinner relatively guilt free.

 

10 Kilograms gone in 7 weeks

 

When I woke up this morning (Thursday) I was dreading what the scales might say but was prepared for a small gain.  Thankfully the extra exercise paid off and I stayed the same at 126.6kgs.  At 7am I put on my runners and out into my freezing garage, jumped on my treadmill and smashed up another 600 calories. I wish it didn’t take me so long … a couple of hours really are a lot out of your day. A small sacrifice I suppose. 

This past week has brought many a triumphs… I have pushed through pain and blisters to burn 600 calories 3 times this week. I have sat in the car while my husband ate chips and a burger only to turn around and eat fruit. I have controlled myself at a buffet. BUT the one thing that has meant the most to me… this is the lightest my husband has ever known me.  From here on in he gets a smaller wife each week. I know he doesn’t look at me as a number… I understand that… and while this may not be overly important to him, it means the world to me. Deep down in my heart of hearts I feel sorry for him.  I know that when we are in public people stare. They must wonder what in the world he is doing with me.  I have seen photos of his previous partners, none of them fat. I still ponder why he chose me. I know I am a good person, a good mother and a good wife… I really do KNOW that… but he could have had extraordinary yet he chose me… I feel indebted to him… I don’t want to feel indebted any more… I just want to feel equal. Whoahhhh I said it out loud!  I think I just dropped some baggage……

MOJO

It's really hard to find motivation to exercise,  I have always lacked this motivation. I have always gotten by on weight loss journeys without exercising. Maybe that's why is so freaking hard to get started.

This time around I am doing my best to get moving.  Obviously my previous journey's did not bring long term results so I am hoping that I will somehow learn to love exercise. So far, I don't ! 

I have extremely sore feet and an especially sore toe on my left foot.  I pushed through the pain and went on my treadmill on Tuesday and Wednesday. Nothing spectacular to report, I burnt 288 calories on Tuesday and 354 on Wednesday.

My feet, but especially my toe was so painful yesterday that I needed to take panadol during the night.

I rested my feet yesterday. My toe wasn't throbbing this morning like it had been so I put my runners on and jumped on the tread mill. I thought I might break up my sessions into two 150 calorie sessions to not overdo any pressure on my feet. Well I don't know what got into me but I ended up doing a total of 63 minutes and burning 510 calories. I was possessed lol ! As much as I want to get to the magic 600 calorie target my feet just aren't up to it yet. 

Well my runners came off and my toe has a  life of its own, it has a pulse and a heartbeat! More pain killers please!

Wherever that mojo came from... I'd be happy for it to return daily.... just saying.

Hungry

Hmmm I am hungry... or am I ?

I can not tell anymore!

I do know that I am craving some of my favourite foods... Kebab.. Mexican, Indian but most of all Fried Fish and Chips. 

I am fairly sure I am eating at our local Mexican restaurant on Monday night with my girlfriend so at least that's keeping me going !

Whenever I am feeling tempted like this I remind myself of how far I have come this year and of all the little things I can do today that I couldn't do on New Years Day. 

I stop and think that nothing tastes as good as this feels.

Another Win (s)

Just quickly ....

Last night Hubby and I took Mr 14 and his best mate to the movies to watch The Campaign. We went to a standard theatre with standard seating. It was a leap of faith as I only go to Gold Class or the Drive in as I know fitting in seats is not going to be a problem there.

Well I fit, comfortably. A great feeling!

Secondly, The issue with Mr 14's bullying has been handled brilliantly with the school. Last night the student that kicked him was suspended. Two more are being dealt with today.  There was a sense of relief in the air this morning.

An emotional week

Hmmm this past week has sure seen some ups and downs both in the weight loss department and on the home front.

It's been 6 days since I last blogged. One of my last blogs was mentioned that I had a weight gain for no apparent reason and that I was at peace with my body playing tricks on me.

Well the gain kept increasing each day and I was no longer at peace! I was busting my gut doing more excersise than I had done in my life yet gaining weight? I am way to fat to be blaming muscle gain... I was not at the time of the month where I could blame fluid retention etc... there were no excuse. SO with that I was disheartened to say the least. A trip to McDonald's fixed that ! That was after I had already eaten my normal dinner ! It was also after I had eaten cake and .... should I go on?

The following day I tried to pull myself together, trying to get my head back into the right space to stick to my calorie allowance etc. It's been a hard slog but I am back on track and today I weighed back in and 128.2 which is what I was a week ago before the weight gain started.

I need to start on the treadmill again ... its been 4 days and I am already dreading it !

On a brighter note...

My hubby and I had a "Date Day" yesterday. It was so very long over due. We went to Hogs Breathe Cafe for lunch.
This was challenging !  I had decided that I was going to order whatever I wanted and to hell with the calories.  I was just about to order a very cheesy dish when the following words came out of my mouth..." Can I please have the Lite Cut Steak Sandwich with no cheese please" .... I think I shocked myself hehehe

It wasn't quite as Nice as my cheesy dish would have been but I was full and also proud of myself!

We then went to Gold Class and saw a FABULOUS Aussie movie, The Sapphires.  It was a lovely day topped off with grocery shopping together lol !! Very romantic !

On a not so bright note... My beautiful son Mr 14 has his first serious Girlfriend Miss 14. She is gorgeous inside and out... they are so cute together. I will condense this as much as possible as it's a very lengthy story. Unfortunately Miss 14 was seriously bullied at school and had to transfer schools.  Now that the bullies are aware of Mr & Miss 14's relationship the bullying is now directed to Mr 14. The bullies are girls. Some of the bullying has been physical. Mr 14 would never hit a girl and is obviously embarrassed by the situation. He is such a gentle soul. He has been tormented in writing, verbally and now physically. He is withdrawing more and more everyday.  As a family the decision has been made to move schools. There is a process to be followed and step one was notifying his current school. They have kicked into damage control but we all know that bringing the situation to light will fuel these girls with more ammunition.  As I write I am awaiting a call from the school to see what Step Two is.

So to wrap things up ... it's been a weird week.... up's and down's and I'm glad it's over !

Me v's The Treadmill

I'm keeping this short and sweet as I am sure the pain in my feet is radiating it's way around my body!

This morning at 8:50 I stepped on my treadmill will an aim to beat my previous calorie burn of 288 calories. I was also determined to stay on and not have a break. I was really hoping to get to 300 calories without stopping.

I made it... I didn't stop. In fact, I kept going, small reachable goals. Just another 250 metres, then another and another etc.

61 Minutes later I stepped off the treadmill, sweating and exhausted. I had just done 5.3 kms ! and smashed 503 calories.

I cannot explain how sore my feet were / are. It was totally worth it. There were some happy tears too!

I had quite a few things to do today and found it really hard to walk. Funnily enough my legs are not hurting, just my feet.

I am not sure how my feet will handle the treadmill tomorrow and I am not making any outlandish statements on out doing today's efforts..... whatever happens on that Treadmill tomorrow, I will know what I am capable of and try my hardest.