Wedding Dress Regret & Reward

I have lots of regrets. Most of them around weight issues.

My biggest regret though is one I don’t think I have ever verbalised.

I have been married three times (twice to current hubby, long story) but I have never worn a wedding dress. I haven’t ever tried one on.

When I married the first time in 1994, I was a size 22. (A size I would be happy to be right now!)  I didn’t want to wear a wedding dress as I thought I would look like a 3 tiered cake walking down the aisle.

I had seen photos of other “large” women in their wedding dresses and decided that it wasn’t for me.

I opted instead from a skirt suit combo thingy. It was nice, probably better suited to the mother of the bride though. At the time, I was not really into the whole wedding thing anyway so how I looked didn’t really concern me. (That should have been a warning sign!) - all photo's have been destroyed... although I am pretty sure my parents have a stash!

My now hubby and I married in 2007 in Las Vegas. I actually wore a dress for the first time since I made my debut in High School! It was White and shapeless…. A bit like a chiffon sack! It was a size 6XL

At my Debutante Ball - 16 years old and size 18

In 2010 hubby and I found out that the Reverend that married us in Las Vegas had not lodged our paperwork. Therefore we were not legally married. I was devastated.  

We did not have the funds to have another wedding so we decided to get a celebrant to marry us. We stood in the celebrants lounge room with our children and my two best friends and we exchanged vows. It was extremely casual with me wearing faux jeans and a white T Shirt! Hubby wore jeans and a shirt.

Left: Vegas Wedding Sept 2007  6XL  -  Right: Local Wedding  Oct 2010 4XL

I am setting myself the ultimate Goal and the Ultimate Reward. When (note I said WHEN not IF) I reach my goal weight, we will renew our vows but this time I will be wearing a traditional wedding dress. I just haven’t told hubby yet hehehe

Biggest Loser Club Weigh in Week 3 01/08/12

Why oh why is it so freaking hard to get to my 25kg goal?

So no, I didn't make it this week. Just missed out by the skin of my teeth, 100 grams off.

I weighed in at 129.5 kgs.

I am happy because I am finally under 130 kgs.

Feeling like I am finally shaking these scales up !

This weeks weight loss 1KG

1 Blob = 1 KG - urghhh

5.3% Body weight gone in 3 weeks ! Yayy

Well if I don't reach my 25 kgs by next week I think I will invest in new scales... ones that tell me what I want to hear !

A little unplanned milestone

On Saturday I dropped my son and his friends at the movies. My hubby and my son's birthday's are fast approaching so I used the opportunity to do some birthday shopping.
I had my daughter (Miss 16) with me. We ended up shopping more for her than anyone else. She is a petite size 8/10 and can shop wherever she chooses. Even in the little Asian shops whose clothes seem small enough to dress a doll!
While Miss 16 was in the changing rooms, I pondered about what clothes I would chose if I were a size 14 or even a 16. I don't usually allow myself to think about these things as it usually makes me depressed. For some reason that day was an exception.

I haven't been able to personally shop for years. I had exceeded the "Large" sizes sold in the big ladies speciality stores. The last time I shopped in a store was when I was in Las Vegas 5 years ago. This is because they cater for the morbidly obese!

I usually order my clothes from the UK or the USA, even my Bra's come from over sea's!

Occasionally I will get a tailor to make me something if I am in a hurry and can find nice material.

Back to our shopping trip..... Miss 16 suggests we look in Autograph (size 16-26) . Hmmm I thought they may have some elastic waisted pants or leggings so I agreed. (they also have nice shoes)

Miss 16 was pulling clothes of racks .. "How about this?", "This would look nice" etc etc

I kept telling her nothing in the store would fit.

The shop assistant heard me and swiftly made a bee line to me with some clothes in hand.  After some not so gentle persuasion, I reluctantly tried on the clothes. 2 pairs of jeans, 1 pair of pants, 1 cardigan and 3 jumpers. All but one item fit... the jumper that didn't fit was because it was too big ! a smaller size fitted perfectly!

I was really uncomfortable in the jeans and decided that now was not the time for them.

I have lots of elastic waisted pants so they went back to the shelf too.

This left 1 cardigan which I brought.  It also left the 3 jumpers.  In days gone by I would have snapped them up purely because they fit. It wouldn't have mattered that I didn't particularly like them, as long as they fit.

I brought 1 jumper because I loved it. The other 2 I didn't love, so I promptly sent them back.

I had a little teary moment in the fitting room. I couldn't believe what a difference 24 kgs had made.

I hadn't budgeted to spend $150 on two pieces of clothing but I really didn't care. Briefly I thought about the pile of bills I have... briefly.  This was for me. This was how it was going to be. Not up for discussion.

SO thanks to Miss 16, I realised that I had reached an unplanned milestone. I had finally shopped off the rack! Something taken for granted by millions of woman around the Country... something so simple. 

Now I dare to dream big.... one day I will shop off the rack at the standard sized stores. .... one day.

I definitely wont be shopping for elastic waisted pants!

Coming to you from my IPad

How exciting, I just downloaded the Blogger App to my IPad. Who would have thought that technology would play such a mammoth part in our everyday lives ?
My newly acquired IPad comes everywhere with me. It allows me to communicate in any situation as I have a cellular plan attached to it.
Tomorrow is Junior Footy and my son is playing in the gorgeous Mornington Peninsula Suburb "Mt Martha"
Mt Martha has lots of scrumptious cafe's and restaurants offering thousands of delicious calories!
I have an hour to wait before his match starts. Rather than sit in a Cafe having coffee and bacon & eggs, I will grab myself a takeaway Skinny Hot Chocolate and sit in the car with my IPad reading a book or mag that I have downloaded.
This is my indulgence before the game. Oh how things have changed !
I have even pre cooked lunch for tomorrow so that I am not tempted by my beloved footy food!
Waiting at home for me will be a delicious Lamb Korma (from the Bikini Cook Book)
So it seems I have got a plan together for tomorrow... One day at a time ....

Biggest Loser Club Week 2 Weigh in 25/7/12

Biggest Loser Club Week 2 Weigh in  25/7/12

Another good result, not quite what I had hoped for but I am still happy. It's that time of the month so I'm guessing this would impact the scales. That being said I had a loss of 1.3kgs.

Total weight loss in 2 weeks

Total % of body weight lost in 2 weeks.

Happy days... hoping next week finally gets me under 130 kgs ! BRING IT ON !





Material Rewards for Losing Weight

Material rewards for losing weight.

I had never been once to use a reward system for losing weight until this year. I always thought that losing weight was reward enough.

For my 40^th Birthday in January this year I was given a combined total of approx $2500 worth of Tiffany & Co Vouchers and Chadstone Shopping Centre Vouchers.

I knew what I wanted from Tiffany and I was desperate to get it.

I had a light bulb moment.  I set a goal to lose 20 kgs. Once I had lost the 20 kgs I could go and get my bracelet.

It took me from 14th January 2012 to 7^th of May 2012 to lose the 20 kgs. I went straight to Tiffany.

It worked. The lure of getting something that I so desperately wanted, motivated me to achieve it.

The fact that I had told everyone that I wasn’t getting my bracelet until I lost 20 kilos also helped.

BUT something else happened…. Even though I still had 80 kgs to lose, it was like my brain turned off the weight loss motivation. It was like I had reached the goal I had set, end of story.

Between 7^th of May and 7^th of June I fell off the waggon one day, back on the next… my weight fluctuated up and down each day. I managed to lose another 1.5 kilos over that month, no where near what I should have lost. Then came June 7^th, My Daughters Birthday Celebrations… the start of the weight gain.

My friend Nic, who is own her own weight loss journey, always sets herself goals and rewards. She showed me her “list”. Impressed, I made my own list. I am sure it will need revision from time to time, but it’s a start. The goals I’ve set only take me to 100 kgs, I am thinking I should take it all the way to my ultimate goal. 54.4kgs … I am apprehensive as I don’t ever envisage myself getting to that weight. But I suppose it’s time for me to dream big.

Here is my list thus far to 99.4 kgs: (55kg loss)

Goal Date	Goal Weight	Mini Goal	Achieved By	Reward
11/07/2012	136.8		110712
25/07/2012	133		140712	Pink Polar Heart Rate Monitor
15/08/2012	129.4	25kgs		Spencer & Rutherford Ipad Sleeve
12/09/2012	124.4	30kgs		Echuca 2 day Getaway
10/10/2012	119.4	35kgs		2nd Wedding Ann Surprise
7/11/2012	114.4	40kgs		New GHD Straightener
5/12/2012	109.4	45kgs		Hairdresser
2/01/2013	104.4	50kgs		Clothes Shopping
30/01/2013	99.4	55kgs		HubbiesTiffany Gift

I have already reached the 133kg goal so I was able to get my heart rate monitor ready for my upcoming exercise regime with Shannan Pontons 8 week challenge.

I laugh at the Hairdresser goal. I must explain that ever since I got my first part time job at the age of 13, I have paid to get my hair coloured every 10 weeks.  The cost of doing this has now risen to around $135! In a budget re hash last October, something had to go. It was either my hair or my nails… I chose my hair! I purchased my first ever packet colour and have been colouring my own hair ever since. I miss going to the hairdresser. I miss the professional results! I can’t wait to get back in that chair again.

Hubby also made a big statement… he said that “IF” I reached 100 kgs he would spend $1000 in Tiffany for me. Hmmmm he had better start saving because I WILL get there, sooner than he thinks!

Cluttered House, Cluttered Life?

Clutter and Mess.

What does it say about someone? I have my own theory and usually it proves me correct.

When I walk into a house that is cluttered, crap everywhere, dirty floors and benches etc; one thing pops into mind immediately.

The person’s life is out of control. Why else would one have no pride to present the space that they inhibit in such a way?

My theory is based on personal experience, my first marriage was a shocker… my house was never dirty, but I didn’t put things away… every now and then I would have a big clean up, but for the most part, I was messy. There, I said it.

So, I try not to judge. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

Some people apologise for their mess, offering excuses like, oh I work and my kids keep me busy and and and and ……

Others don’t apologise.

I don’t require an apology. I am not there to look at their house. I am there to visit them. Although it may be more pleasant if I didn’t have to look at their washing etc!

This brings me to my own current situation.

My house is always presented neat, tidy and clean.  And if I know someone is coming, the cleaning gets extra attention.  I do believe it’s a pride issue. It doesn’t matter if I have worked a 40 hour week, been a taxi to my kids, etc etc … our house is clean and tidy.

We have structure and rules.

We do not eat or drink on the couch, in bedrooms, etc
The only places we eat or drink are either at the Dining room table or the breakfast bar. No exceptions.
This means no spills on our carpet or lounge suites. We have ALWAYS lived with this rule and the kids know no different.
We all make our beds in the morning. (The simple things)
Both children have some cleaning duties and whilst not usually done to a high standard, it makes it easier for me to go over it and do it properly.

My son even has to wash his football boots after every training session and every game. I don’t like seeing children in dirty clothes or shoes.

My Grandmother always says that it doesn’t matter how poor you are, you should always have clean shoes! Of course she is right.

Am I Clutter free? No. I have little corners of my house that have little clutter issues.

I see this as a reflection of myself.  Like my house, I present myself to the world as a neat and tidy person who has her shit together. But look a little deeper and you find the corners where the clutter is buried. 

I have decided to attack the physical clutter areas one by one. I have a pile of papers over 6 inches high that need to be sorted, filled in, posted or filed. Tomorrow is the day.  I am hoping that with each pile of clutter I manage to sort out, that I can work on one internal one. Sounds good in theory hey?

 Over 6 inches of papers to be sorted

I am not sure which internal issue to choose first!

I have up until now, chosen to hide my clutter.

I have a variety of hidden clutter piles I need to address, my cupboards especially.  I want to rid my space of anything that is taking up room….. much like my life wearing elastic waisted pants.